#79 Saying No – Developing Your Boundaries As A Leader

We live in a world where we’re scared of saying “No”. We seem to think that we’re invincible or have a fear of missing out if we don’t say yes or even worse, that God won’t bless us because we didn’t say yes to one thing. Actually, even worse than that, sometimes, we try and be God and be there for everyone!

Thank the Lord that, He gave us polar opposite words that give us permission to set boundaries in our lives so we can strategically say yes to things that fit, and no to the things that don’t.

Today I am going to show you how and when to say “yes” & “no” in the right places. There is no such thing as a graceful life if you say yes to everything.  Instead, we must be strategic and learn to when to say “yes” and where to say ”no” and not feel guilty about it.

I don’t have kids, but trust me. I’ve been in a place where I’ve said yes to too many things. I was trying to be everything to everyone, because I am a people pleaser and I HATE letting people down. God has made it very clear to me that if I want to build an empire then I need to make use of the resources He’s given me, say no where things don’t fit and try to be Him for other people.

I got to a point where I had people constantly messaging me throughout my day from dawn to dusk (even in the middle of the night), I had people calling, emailing, SMS’ing. To the point where it was consuming my life and taking time away from my small, yet fragile, loving family.

I was also immensely busy trying to manage too many things in CWIB, while doing other stuff that made me a decent wage so I can support the family that my God has blessed me with. We have dreams and visions together of how we’re going to do what we need to do on earth to be stewards of God. However, I’m still not super women. I’ve been there and done that. It’s not that fun!

Instead, I want to be a wonderful women, who has time for her family and for herself, so she can keep herself filled and alive with the spirit. Working yourself into the ground and not having good solid boundaries doesn’t give you freedom. It strangulates you and leaves you feeling empty.

If you’re a leader, in a leadership position in your business, NFP or ministry you must become best friends with this word called “Boundaries” and not be afraid to have them, use them, protect them and guard them with your life. People will cross them if you let them, they will swallow you up and spit you out. They don’t know all behind the scenes, what you’ve got on your plate, what spiritual things you might be battling all while trying to stay sane. They just need you right now!

Some want to know all about your life and will probe, you’ll feel violated and exposed. Or you’re over committing yourself because you keep saying yes to too many things, things that aren’t bringing you any return.

Without boundaries, before you know it, you’re waking up each morning completely exhausted, you’re struggling to pull yourself out of bed and you’re questioning why you’re doing everything. You’re husband’s at you because his love tank is empty and you’re wondering how the hell did I end up here, feeling like this?

Yes, this is my life I am sharing with you here, I’m sharing it with you now because this is one of the biggest lessons 2018 has brought me so far! It’s a lesson that every leader needs to hear if she wants to expand and it’s something every women should have in place anyway.

So what things did I put in place when I reached a point of burnout and how did I overcome it.

1. Stick To The Program – I sat down with God and we went through what it was He actually asked me to do in CWIB? It was simple. It’s my hidden mission statement. “All I want you to do is encourage women.”

2. Letting Go – After I did that, I then went through everything in CWIB and asked myself if that is what I was doing and what that looked like. Does that mean I am a counsellor for people? No. Does that mean its ok for people to contact me when they want and expect a reply straight away? No. Does that mean I have to be everything to everyone? No. What does it mean? It means, I am not God, I am going to let God be God. Releasing that pressure that I put on myself to be everything to everyone, it’s amazing when you do it.

3. Communicate your Boundaries – Tell everyone who needs to know about them in a polite way that you’ve decided to take a bit of a life change in how you run your life and that you’re not going to be as accessible. Be firm with those boundaries and don’t be afraid of offending people. You’re not here to please man but God. If you’re burnt out and can’t do what God has asked you to do then you you’re going to be no good to God.

4. Say No When You Need To Say No – Every time you get an opportunity head back to your Vision Mission and Values. If it doesn’t line up or you need to balance your calendar out a little, it’s ok to say, “I need to pass on this opportunity this time, but thank you so much for your kind offer.” Don’t feel guilty. Jesus didn’t die for us to feel guilty and remember, you don’t have to explain to people why you’re saying no, just say no politely.

5. Protect – Protect those boundaries you’ve just put in place. The only person who is going to fight for them is you.

I encourage you, if you’re at the place of burnout, head over to the episode notes and go through these steps one by one.

Ask God to show you what it is you He’s asked you to do in your business, stick to that and then work out a plan of how you’re going to deal with the rest.

Protect yourself, it’s ok to do that.